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Every Thanksgiving Costco makes these pumpkin rolls that I just absolutely die for. And every Thanksgiving I make it my aim to eat as many of them as I can stand until I get sick. They are that good to me. They come three rolls to a pack, each roll is about eight inches long. Costco knows how to add the right combination of pumpkin and spice and filling and white chocolate that I find them irresistible. I can usually eat seven-eighths of a roll in one sitting (hey, I need to leave some for next time).

I like to eat them in peace, away from my wife who when she sees me with an entire roll on my plate she puffs up her cheeks like a squirrel with a mouth full of nuts as an indication of the direction my weight is heading. Last Thanksgiving I was packing the car with the kids to take them to my parents. My wife was spending Thanksgiving with her siblings because this was the first time they would celebrate it without the matriarch of the family. We would stop by later after leaving my parents.

 As I packed the car my wife noticed that I included a Costco pumpkin roll package with only one roll left in it. She puffed up her cheeks and then said, “Honey you’re just being a greedy pig for taking one roll up to your parents. You know I am going to call your mother and tell her what you are doing because that is so wrong…”

I looked at her and I smiled and continued packing. What my wife didn’t realize was that I purchased a second pumpkin roll package to take to my parents, and that the single extra roll was in case someone else wanted to take a roll home. She was pumpkin roll wrong.

What I realized then was that my wife made a decision based upon her own perceptions, which really didn’t reflect my intentions or motivations at all. I extended this thought and remembered the many disagreements we had because she or I had our own perception when reality was so much different. In our last disagreement she wanted us both to change jobs so we could move right away because the housing prices in the neighborhood we wanted to live in were steadily increasing. When she gets housing angst I try to remind her that since both kids are scholarship bound for college that when they finish high school not only will we save on school expenses but also we would have more time to devote on our careers thereby providing us more opportunity to move. She disagrees and our disagreements usually end as another irreconcilable difference and we just move on until the topic is brought up again.

I used to get really frustrated with her but I’ve come to the realization that because she brings her own experiences to table the best that I can do is to listen and acknowledge her point of view and then offer some suggestions that could help us move along in the process. After that, I go back to doing what I believe is best for our future. For me, spending quality time with the family takes priority over building my business or getting a new job because quality family time today is something that I will never get back.

How do you respond when someone has the wrong perceptions of your motivation or actions? And what do you do to effectively live with irreconcilable differences? Here are several things that helped me: [list topics and items here]

Learn to challenge people's comments in your own mind and if you realize they may be right - immediately think of alternatives instead of giving up. As a very basic (and a little bit ridiculous example), If I have a massive ice making machine and I tell someone my idea to sell ice to Eskimos- and they tell me that it's a terrible idea - it'll never work. I don't think, "Yeah - you're right" and quit. I think about where else and who else I can sell ice too. I can tailor my plan based on the advice but never, ever do I let it stop me.

Ignoring It (the Right Way)

The phrase 'ignorance is bliss' is not always true. There are many essential subjects and tasks to learn to be a fruitful and effective person. However, there are certain topics that are best left alone. Ignoring negativity that is towards me is one that is best to be left alone. For example, someone verbally disrespects me. I don't have to respond. More than likely, this person doesn't truly know who I really am or if they do, they're jealous or envious of me. Just as ignorance can be bliss, I don't need to entertain ignorance either. I don't waste my energy or efforts trying to defend myself to someone who doesn't initially respect me. Some people will always 'judge the book by its cover' - just be sure you're not one of those people.

Identifying the 'Glass Half Full' Items

There's so much negativity that happens throughout this world that makes it very hard to find those peaceful and blissful items that make the glass seem half full. However, these items don't need to be huge or accepted by everyone. Another idea behind the glass is the fact it's my own personal glass. I fill my glass with my own items that makes me happy and productive (pumpkin rolls are mine).

For example, I may enjoy foot massages because they help me relax. Then I may love to plant flowers because I enjoy watching them and smelling them when they bloom. I may also enjoy traveling to exotic places for recreation. I may also enjoy just the simple quietness of sitting in a comfortable chair, reading my favorite book. These are various items to help fill my glass to half full and also can help me disconnect from the negativity that's around.

Responding Positively No Matter What

Learning to respond positively no matter what takes daily practice. For example, as I watch the news, after hearing about a tragic event that left some people dead and others in serious or stable condition, I can respond positively by recognizing that luckily all didn't die. I can certainly express and feel empathy for those who lost their loved ones - that's a positive response too. However, I don't allow such a tragedy to stop or hinder my belief that positivity still exists. For those that believe in prayer, pray for those families and those who are recovering. Never stop praying for others. This could be one of the best positive responses you can do! Don't focus so much on the tragedy - it will cause the negativity to linger longer.

Practice being attentive and centered by breathing

Sometimes when a person is being non-constructive you don't have to say or do anything; you can focus on your breath. You can imagine that the feelings he/she and/or yourself is feeling are becoming calmer with each and every breath.

Be compassionate with yourself

The more understanding and kindness I give to myself, the more I will be able receive from and give to others. Compassion is not about tolerating behavior; it's about taking a step back and viewing it differently. I may choose not be around the person who is being negative, but it won't be because I am hiding, avoiding, or coming from a place of anger or resentment, it will be from a peaceful space within me.

Don't take it personally

I only take things personally when it strikes a chord within me. There is a belief somewhere inside that accepts what they are saying as being true for me. Here is the gift, the opportunity, the person is giving me. It's up to me to acknowledge and change it.

So the next time somebody says something to me that is pumpkin roll wrong I can simply nod and smile knowing that they are entitled to their own perspective.